Today I was more angry than sad. I was angry recalling all the things you've said about me being the best girlfriend, your dream girl, etc. and all the promises you've made.
You made those promises first, and now look who's broken them.
I was angry that, for the 4 years we spent together, the times I made the effort to spend time with you, you chose to sleep in instead but now you can't even stand me not replying your texts because I was busy doing USEFUL things, and you can't stand how we can't meet yet. You just had to wait a couple of weeks more before we could meet again. Yet you couldn't wait.
I was angry that you kept asking me to learn to cook and when I told you that I am learning to prepare ingredients first, you said that it's not enough, when clearly preparing ingredients is as important a part of cooking as the throwing and stirring you wanted me to learn so badly. Anyone can throw in ingredients and stir them in a pot, but not everyone knows how to prepare ingredients. So what's the problem? What are YOU doing to upgrade yourself for ME anyway?!
I was angry that you rejected my pure love and got annoyed that I truly cared for you, both Dunia and Akhirah. Have you forgotten your accident in May? Have you not thought that what happened to your late friend can also happen to you one day? Death does not care about your age, so why behave as though you are confident that you will live a long life? Have you forgotten that your late friend was the same age as us?
I was angry that you couldn't be patient with me like how I'd been patient with you throughout the 4 years. I tolerated the countless times you broke your promises and the countless times you put me aside and chose to entertain other girls instead. Not to mention the countless times you would get impatient with me or bored with me but you would willingly do what I ask you to do for me for other girls instead.
Who's the unfair one here? Who's limit is the one that has been stretched? If truly you dated me not just to pass time but your goal was to marry me, you would have waited for just another few more months till I get a job and my first pay for me to introduce you to my parents. Just a couple of weeks ago you claimed you did some reflection and said that you should not use that as an excuse but work on your weaknesses instead. Just a couple of weeks ago you said that our relationship was so perfect and had hardly any arguments because we knew how to communicate and handle matters well. Is this how you communicate? Is this how you handle matters with me? You expect me to communicate with you and handle matters with you personally, but you couldn't do the same for me. Now this is me insulting you. God gave you brains to think for yourself, but you simply chose not to use any.
Have you not thought of your family? How are your parents taking this? They loved me so much and I love them too. I remember your mother saying we seem to have a strong compatibility and your father saying that he wants no other daughter-in-law from you except me. Do you not care about them?
I don't know what changed for you, in you, so suddenly. Have you got your eyes on another girl already? Why were you so hasty in your decision to leave? What made me not worth the wait anymore? Or was it all just an excuse for you? Is this the way you treat the person whom you say is your world? How do you let go of a 'perfect' relationship so easily? How do you throw away the 4 years we spent together so easily??
Obviously you're not ready to be tied down, so don't say that you want to be. I guess I'm glad you chose to leave now. I'd rather have you leave me now than have you keep on treating me like shit after all the hassle of introducing you to my family or worse, getting married. I won't wish bad things, but I won't wish you well either.
I guess my heart broke to let Allah's Nuur enter. My heart will not be shrouded by the darkness of guilt and big sins anymore. So for that, I wanna thank you.
